9/11
My nurse educator suggested that I keep a journal of my first chemo treatment and the days following. She explained that the effects of each treatment will most likely follow the same pattern. She also mentioned that treatments will take on a snowball effect. The side effects of each one will not lessen, as I would have though, but they will progressively get worse. I know it will be a long post, but I plan on keeping each day on one page and updating it. I doubt I’ll keep a journal for each treatment, but at least I’ll have the very first to compare.
September 11– The eve of my first chemo treatment. Anxious. Ready to get started. At this point, I’m embarrassed to say I’m more worried about my hair than anything. I’ve tucked the girls into bed. Mel is dozing on the couch beside me and I’m watching a 9/11 documentary on the History Channel. All day, I’ve felt surrounded. Surrounded by love, prayers, support. Today I feel so very loved.
We’ve been busy. This morning, Mel rushed out the door early to speak at at prayer breakfast at a local church, and the girls and I hurriedly dressed for church. As I got ready, the girls happened to turn on the television. A&E was showing a real-time documentary on the events of 9/11. McCanless sat entranced. (It was as if she were witnessing the events exactly as they happened-I was instantly thrown back into my 6th grade Literature class at THA 10 years ago, before McCanless was even born.) I sat down with her and we talked about what happened that day. Even Mary Clare was curious as to why the “mean men wanted to knock down the ‘Kuge’ Castles.” Eventually, a simple “the devil made them do it” was enough for her. We missed Sunday school, but the conversations McCanless and I had surrounding the documentary were lessons that her little mind craved after watching the terrorist attacks. I know the battle I’m facing with cancer is indeed a challenge, but as we sat and watched thousands of people hurting, grieving, it made everything clear. Everyone suffers. Everyone aches. It’s what you do out of that pain and suffering that matters most.